I think I am, anyway.  Who knows?...not even me for certain.  Life has been crazy and sometimes painful.  My favorite event of late is my son telling everyone how tadpoles turn into frogs and one day surprising me by telling my dad (who lives over a thousand miles away) that two frogs hug..one hugs one from behind and then one of the frogs poops out the eggs. 

I think I need to go find a frog aquarium somewhere.  I heard an entire kit complete with two tadpoles can be purchased at a local store...this will save me the trouble of trekking about in search of a frog pond and trying to figure out what I can feed tadpoles because the kit comes with tadpole food.

I want to make a cd to help me vent my feelings.  If you know of any "I hate men" songs or songs to be angry to, please respond.

My son sat for thirty minutes or more popping the bubbles on a sheet of that plastic bubble wrap packaging stuff while his many Christmas toys surrounded him untouched.

The new Beyonce dance craze. If you watch nothing else, watch the last video.  It made me like Beyonce's song even more

Have you ever had trouble expressing yourself in the written form because the moment that you do something will be more real?  I have been wanting to post for at least a week now.  Prior to that, I have just been plain crazy busy.

My husband and I are definitely divorcing.  The main disagreement we have is over my son's daycare provider.  I think he needs to stay where he is, and the soon-to-be-ex thinks our son should be moved simply because the ex does not get along with her.  He does not know how to apologize for or even recognize when hurting someone.  It is because of his own rude behavior that he does not get along with her.

The most important thing that I am facing is that my son may have Asperger's Syndrome.  At almost five, he is too early to be diagnosed.  This concern was brought up to me by his pre-school. 

It was also brought up that Asperger's is hereditary.  The school psychologist who was at this meeting (that I requested be held) began to ask me tons of questions about my ex.  I would exclaim, "Yes, he does that." or "Yes, people have told me that about him before." after every question.  I saw him nod in a knowingly manner to my son's pre-school teacher after one of the affirmative responses I gave.  Of course, I had to question this nod.  It was then explained to me that the school psychologist's son was diagnosed with Asperger's  five years ago.  He didn't even diagnose his own son and was shocked to hear the diagnosis.  He said when he realized it was true, he cried tears of relief.  All of the behaviors of his then 25 year-old son made sense. 

I was dumb founded by all of this information.  Actually, I still am.  It explains why my marriage which, except for my son, is a dismal failure.  It explains my ex's behaviors, lack of emotion and empathy, literal interpretations, inability to hold a job, sleeping patterns, and so much more.  And I thought he was just an immature asshole when he really just can't help it.

I recently brought this up to the ex.  He has promised to look up Asperger's and keep an objective mind.  I don't know if this is possible but maybe he just needs for the idea to sink in over a bit of time.  I am hoping that he will agree to be evaluated for the disorder, but I may have to seek out a court order for the evaluation.

Always, in the back of my mind is my son.  He is a beautiful child with a wonderful sense of humor who is doing academically well in pre-school.  He does have his speech problem (which is not characteristic of Asperger's or any autism for that matter) and difficulty with socializing with other children.  I also think that he has trouble recognizing anger on the faces of others.  He will be evaluated for occupational therapy to see what kinds of sensory issues he has, if any.  Hopefully, I can help my son become what my ex may never be: a social and empathetic person.

I was shocked at how much I liked the movie.  It was much better than I thought it was going to be.

My favorite part was when they were in Ohio.  Surprisingly, a large part of the film took place in Ohio.  When I first saw the familiar "Welcome to Ohio" road sign, I had to laugh.  No way did I think that the characters would actually stay in a Ohio for a bit.  There is no Elmwood County in Ohio, but the scenery just killed me.  It was Southeastern Ohio to a "T." Even the patches on the roads looked familiar to what I have seen.  The flowers in the shots were the same as seen every year here in the summer: Queen Anne's Lace.  Someone responsible for making that film spent way too much time in Ohio.  I am not going to say another peep about it because I don't want to give away spoilers for those who haven't the excuse of taking a four-year old child to see Bolt.

I also enjoyed the Cars short that took place before Bolt, but the main feature was by far one of the best cartoons I have seen in awhile.

After the film was over, I had to do a bit of grocery shopping.  I, being the glutton for punishment that I am, took both children with me.  There was shopping cart pushing and plenty of me yelling, "Get that buggy back over here!...NOW!  Do I have to beat the two of you?!"

My favorite moment (I am such a bad parent...I cannot, for the life of me, keep from laughing at my son) was when both children had their feet resting on the bottom section of the cart and were hanging off the sides with both hands.  One was on each side.  I tried to push the cart and could barely make it move.  "One of you will have to get off the cart," I said.  No one moved.  "Move it!"  I loudly exclaimed.  Both children jumped off the cart, one after the other. 

My son, however, could not leave it at that.  He began dancing around the store while singing, "I like to move it, move it, move it! I like to move it, move it, move it!  I like to shake it, shake it, shake it!"  This is from the movie Madagascar.  I couldn't help but laugh while I was scolding him to behave and not to disturb the other shoppers.  I am such a bad parent.  I think too many things my son does are hysterically funny.  I have the worst poker face and can't play practical jokes on people without laughing.  I cannot keep a straight face.  God should have known better than to give me a child.  I thought that the longer someone is a parent, the better they get at keeping a straight face when their child needs disciplined.  Not me.  I stink at it.

One kind woman laughed with me and told me that her grandson had watched Madagascar one too many times also.  She just watched him sing and dance with a smile on her face.  The other shoppers weren't as amused, but at least no one was rude.

Your Kiss is Red

You are intense about kissing but easily distracted. You kiss for attention, power, and passion. It doesn't take a lot for you to want to kiss someone. If you see a kissing opportunity, you always go for it! Kissing Type: Kissaholic (admit it!) People See Your Kisses as: Seductive You Kiss Best With: An Orange Kisser Stay away from: A Blue Kisser

                                                                   http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorisyourkissquiz/

After not having access to internet at home for too many weeks to count, I now have it in my lovely new little home.  :-)

I have lots of reading to catch up on...so many friends journals to catch up on.

Beware, you may get lots of comments on entries you posted weeks ago!

I was sitting in my usual spot on Friday morning waiting for the usual morning teachers' meeting to begin when the unusual happened. One of our long term substitute teachers (which is code for "she cannot pass the tests required for her teaching license") walked or rather bounced her way into the meeting obviously not wearing a bra.
I was shocked, but wanted to laugh all at the same time. All I could think about was that she was lucky we were in computer training, and she didn't have to stand in front of classes of criminal boys all day.

I must confess that I gossiped and joked about this sub's lack of undergarments with a few close friends. It was through this that I discovered for certain that she really did forget to wear a bra and wasn't just wearing a flimsy one with no support.

I am not even going into all the details of how she would walk into the training room (yes, we were placed in the same room for training to my dismay...I don't want her stupidity to ease its way over to my brain) with her arms down at her sides, boobs bouncing very freely in every direction (except up), and nipples protruding. She was not the epitome of professionalism in any way, shape, or form. I would not want her teaching my son anything even if she had a bra on under her clothes.

I still don't understand how she forgot to put her bra on. She has probably been wearing one for twenty-five years. It may sound as though I don't have much respect for her; I don't. She (and a few other female teachers) create an unsafe environment for the rest of us because of how they conduct themselves like sleazes in front of the kids or by their wardrobe (or lack of) choices.

After much worry about staying at my present place of employment, I am glad that I did.  Things are getting better.

At the beginning of August, I was seriously considering taking another teaching position at a school much closer to my home, but it also paid much less than working with my darling little criminals.  Because of the stress of the job and the chest pains I was having (which were from my anxiety), I was put on some medication by my doctor.  This medication made me extremely tired and weak.  I thought that I would have to leave my students, kids, who at the time, I no longer cared to be around.  The new hard-core population we received did nothing but gripe and complain.  I  went through this six classes a day.  Even walking from on building to another was bad.  If the kids were outside (they have to walk with their unit in a line or two) because they would verbally sexually harass me (and other female teachers).  When there is a group of them, it is so hard to tell where the negative remarks about my big ass (or any other body part) is coming from.   I seriously thought I was about to lose it.  Why is it that these kids are so mean to some of the few people who want to help them?

Since I work in a prison and it is such a stressful job, I was able to take the of August off from my classroom and do office work for the executive secretary of the institution.  I was also paid my regular wage.  :-)   All I needed was a doctor statement that stated I could come to work but not be around the kids because I would be too weak to defend myself.  When I think about, I could not get that deal at a regular high school.  I really enjoyed the break from my students.

Anyway, my doctor did all kinds of tests and blood-work on me.  Everything came back fine.  This means that all of my pain and anxiety was in my head.  I am officially crazy.  I am on a lovely anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication that has me feeling more like my old self than ever before.  I have more energy than I have had in very long time, and I have, much to my husband's delight, gotten the return of a very healthy sex drive (not that it is doing anyone any good at the moment).  The pills are working wonders for me, so Tom Cruise can go fuck himself.

I can't honestly say that all of my stress has come from my job because I was worrying about my son starting a preschool program (which is not going as badly as I thought it might...he teacher knows how to out-stubborn him) and  I was suspecting my husband of cheating on me with a co-worker.  I have not yet completely determined the latter, but I don't think anything (even the supposed friendship) is occurring now.  I haven't yet decided what to do about this yet, so I will not elaborate any further.  However, feel free to post what a crazy S.O.B. my hubby must be for even looking at or talking to another female besides the wonderfully cute and sexy me.  My life is fun. **stated with much sarcasm**

My mother-in-law had her right breast and four lymph nodes removed on Monday of last week.  I have been to her house a couple of times to help bathe her and do some housework for her.  She might be admitted to the hospital today for infection.

I also have actually started to see a therapist.  I saw her for the first time on Friday.  My insurance is paying for it, so I will be going back.  It will be nice to have a sounding board for all of my worries and troubles.

My classroom now has a sign on the door that claims it is a "no griping, whining, complaining, or bellyaching zone.  I also made posters (we have cool poster maker) that have derogatory statements about people who whine and complain.  The most derogatory one is my favorite because they don't understand all of the words in it.  :-)  I have laid down the law.  If someone wants to bellyache, then they have to leave my class.  I am also able to handle more discipline with humor now.  There is one kid in my sixth period class who likes to talk too much and not pay attention.  I have begun to comment on his very pretty, long, curly eyelashes.  I have even gotten him to bat his eyelashes at me.  He starts to grin and acts all embarrassed , but then he behaves very well for me.  I also think I will punish them by singing ABBA songs loudly and badly when they are misbehaving.  One of my friends, who used to teach at the prison, was able to get perfect behavior from her students by singing old Broadway show tunes.  I think I could get the same results with ABBA songs.

We have had only three days of school this so far this term, but it felt very good to be back in class with my kids.  I think they might have even missed me (just a little). 

I have been extremely busy as I am running for President of the United States.

Follow the link!

www.tsgnet.com/pres.php

If you don't talk or write about things, does it make them go away? 

I have been really worried about my mother-in-law.  She has been diagnosed with breast cancer with cancer in the lymph nodes on the same side.  Right now, we do now know if it is in any of her other lymph nodes.  This is what is scariest to me.  I have lost my own grandmother who was diagnosed with cancer in her lymph nodes in 1994.  I know of only one person who has survived cancer in the lymph nodes.

I really want her to be around for my son.  He loves her. 

The results of other test should be available this week.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that she will be okay.  Both my mother and step-mother are breast cancer survivors, so I feel more optimistic about that aspect of my mother-in-law's situation.

I went out the other night with my friend Barb to see Mama Mia!  She knew that I had been stressed out and needed a good time.  Hubby had to work and I had a baby sitter.  

What else can anyone ask for?

I can tell you.  A little tiny airline bottle of Honey Wild Turkey whiskey.  Barb drove us to the movie theater.  When we parked and unfastened our seat-belts, she suddenly said, "I brought you something!"  

I was puzzled.  She then reached toward the glove compartment and pulled out the little bottle of whiskey.  I knew what this was for and laughed immediately.  I hid the bottle in my purse (which I hardly ever carry), bought myself a rather large soda (which was the theater's medium), and before the movie began, I poured the whiskey in my drink (in a sneaky manner, of course).  I am so bad.  I have never before sneaked anything more than my own candy into a movie theater.

Needless to say, I had a really fun time watching Mama Mia!  I wasn't drunk, but rather buzzed from the whiskey.  I sang along with the actors and loved every minute of it.  I probably would have sung if I hadn't drunk the whiskey but not as loud.  I love the fact that all the singing is not perfect in the film.  It is now my new favorite movie-musical.  Grease had been my number one favorite since I was about eight or nine years old.  Long live Mama Mia!

If you ever get the chance to sneak liquor into a movie theater, I highly recommend it.

I will tell you about how stupid my kids at school are.  We recently finished going over and watching Romeo and Juliet.

We read a dumbed-down version of the play.  Kids actually fought over some of the roles.  They butchered the names.  One wanted to read the part of "Lord Monument," while another kept talking about the the "Caplet" family.

We watched all kinds of things on YouTube referencing Romeo and Juliet.  My principal hooked my computer up to a nice little projector and put a large screen in my room.  I made a point to show 

 from

the_zaniak.  Out of everything I showed them, this was what they have referenced the most.

We watched the 1996 movie of Romeo + Juliet starring Leonardo DeCaprio and Claire Danes.  Surprise, Surprise (said with extremely sarcastic tone) they liked the guns used in the movies and acted all homophobic to Mercutio dressing in drag for the masquerade.

My favorite is when two of my classes wanted me to turn on the English subtitles for a translation from the Shakespearean language to something they could understand.  I tried to explain that this would not happen, but was met with such disbelief and denial that I had to show them.  I am not sure if they were wanting ghetto-speak or what, but when the subtitles failed to produce the desired effects they wanted, I heard, "turn that shit off."  

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job...

 

I have  been going on too little sleep for too many days. 

Last night, after the Fourth of July fireworks (for some unknown reason, a day early in the tiny village next to which live) , I was irritating my sister by being bossy.  I apologized and made excuses for myself.  I complained about getting only four to five hours of sleep every night and being someone that requires at least seven.

My lovely six-year old niece piped up and said, "Well, I haven't had much sleep this week either.  I was up all night the other night with a nightmare, so welcome to my world, Traci."

She is such a little smart ass, but I love her.  I just get the urge to show her my middle finger quite often.